I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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