Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
