Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize