I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
