And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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