please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
