I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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