I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
