OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
