Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize