Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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