So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
