I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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