I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
