2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
