There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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