I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
