So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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