hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she looked like the before picture.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
