i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
