ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
