If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
