My first STD was from a foam party
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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