apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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