No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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