can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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