You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
jump out the window naked night went bad
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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