im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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