we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
