I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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