im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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