Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
