He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
