I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
