Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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