I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's blow job season.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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