She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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