I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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