tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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