I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
