Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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