i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
