Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
