The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize