When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
