also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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