dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize