So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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