that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
