This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Green mimosas i think yes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
