I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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