just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
