just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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