somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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