I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
