that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
why does every cop we meet know your name?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
