fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
