I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
