I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
