I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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