So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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