Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
