I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
