9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Enjoy the penises
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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