What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
