so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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