She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
