you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
