Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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