Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
