I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
