tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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