I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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